Home-school Shooting Stuns Trailer Park in Colorado
By: Bob Smith

  THORNTON - A home-schooled child in Thornton, Colorado stuns the nation by killing his whole family. Billy Zane Joe, a 14 year old child, took a shotgun and killed his whole family. "He was such a smart kid," says a neighbor to the Joes. "He was knowing that thing dey call "additionalizing" ever since he was 13. Ya know, like 2+2 be 5." Another neighbor was also surprised. "I never knew that someone that high on Meth could walk, much less do that!"
The police were unable to search his room for anything because it was destroyed by a pipe bomb made from the tail pipe of the family's old torn up pick-up, but they were able to salvage enough from the room that his 16 year old sister, Tina Ann, lived in. They found used condoms and some pornographic photos of her. One of her boyfriends says "I never really knew the punk too well, but he seemed nice enough. He didn't talk much, seeing as he was mostly deaf from listening to AC/DC music at blasting sound levels."
An un-opened copy of the game "Zelda" was found in the trailer, and the police believe it may have contributed to his unstable mental state. Nintendo had the following comment: "We do not believe this copy of Zelda contributed to anything except giving us 50 more bucks."
In his interrogation, Billy had this to say: "All of my classmates picked on me and insulted me in the showers. I got really sick of it, and I finally just snapped. I found my dad's shotgun, next to his bag of crack and a pile of penthouse magazines, and since I could not figure out how to load the shells in, I hit them over the head with it until they died."
Lately, a plague of home-school shootings has occurred, and the government is taking measures to stop it. They are putting metal detectors in every home, and banning violent video games in all home-school environments. A home-schooled child says this: "How am I going to get a gun into my own house anyway? I mean, what am I going to do, go out and buy one when my parents aren't looking?? And the violent video games have nothing to do with the fact that I want to kill my parents!!"
Other evidence the police discovered includes: A femal dog impregnated by Billy, a meth lab under the trailer, and a bloody gun.
"All of my classmates picked on me...I finally just snapped..."