- CALIFORNIA - Earlier today, Mattel announced
a new line of Barbies intended for a different audience of people.
Called "Immoral Barbies," it is a line of barbies made
especially for people with low incomes. Ths caused a major riot
near their HQ in Cali. When 10 top employees of Mattel went outside
to make a speech, they were immediately pummeled to death with
Barbie heads. After much deliberation, Mattel decided to use
their underground passages to escape to Afghanistan and used
their self-destruct mechanism to destroy half of Southern Cali.
- Other happenings in the US seem related to this incident,
such as the burning of a "Toys-'R-Us" by local Soccer
moms. Also, some Wiccas (They asked us not to call them "Satanic
old hags") are doing ritual dances to cleanse the souls
of the evil barbies. It turns out that they were not as powerful
as the evil in the Barbies and immediately went into the business
of Pornographic Videos.
- We managed to get our hands on the names of some of the barbies,
and they are as follows: Sorority slut, Cat burglar, Biker Barbie,
Crack Whore, Stripper barbie, Porn Queen Barbie, & Spank
Me Kelly. It also seems that they were planning to release a
series of Immoral Kens, also. We also succeeded in getting plans
of these from the rubble that was once known as "Mattel."
As far as we can tell, they had plans for these: Drunk Ken, Pimp
ken, Wife Beater Ken, Transvestite Ken, Pedophile Ken, Hobo Ken,
In the Closet Ken, & Bill Gates.
- Another feature of these barbies is a small chip in their
backs that finds and steals credit card numbers for use in ATM
machines. This was highly criticized by many credit card thieves
for not being very comprehesinve and very faulty.
- As more Evil barbies are created, it was discovered that
they were actually robots that were part of Mattel's plan to
take over the world, and they are assaulting San Diego as we
speak. The military is planning a tactical strike that will take
place Sunday.On another note, a barbie Orgy is now occurring
in what was once Downtown LA.
- A demonstration of the new line