Disclaimer: In our first interview with a Teen Icon, some odd things happen...not intended for people with a faint heart, an allergy to soap flakes, or less then a 27 IQ.

Stan: Hello Britney, welcome to my apartment, it's great to have ya here.

Britney Spears: Thanks, it's...ew, what IS that on the floor?

S: (Thinks to self:"My only playboy, how embarrasing!")Erm...pay no attention to that...(coughs)...Anyway, we have a few questions for you...Down boy!!!

BS: Hey, get off my leg!

Stan kicks his...pet...thing...

S: Bad dog! Anyway, a few questions for you. What's it feel like to be looked up to by lots of vacuous teens?

BS: Not so bad, considering they give me LOTS and LOTS of money.

S: Well, that's good to know....Will you have sex with me?

BS: Do you know how many guys have asked me that??? Of course I will!!!

Of course, Bob had the bad timing to walk in on them under the covers...

Bob: What the (expletive deleted) is going on here?!?!?

S: I couldn't help it!!

B: Restrain yourself, man!!

S: ...but she's so hot!

B: Think about it this way...she accepted your offer, how smart can she be?

S: I guess you're right...

BS: Hey...I'm not...what was I saying...? Oh, yeah, I'm not dumb!!

B: Stan, put your clothes back on, and go do something else...you put yer clothes on too, Britney.

BS: Do I have to?

B: (Thinks to self: RESTRAINT, RESTRAINT!!) Yes, you have to, put them on RIGHT NOW!

BS: Ok then...(She dresses)...There.

B: Ok, back to the article. Do you think you set a good example for girls?

BS: (expletive) no, look at me, I'm a slut! On second thought, though...

B: (interrupts)You have thoughts? Oh, sorry, didn't mean to say that out loud, please, continue...

BS: On second thought, I may set a good example for girls who want to be like me, because I believe that sex is good. I mean, I get it on at least five times a day, and not all of my lovers are male, or even human.

B: But in other articles, you said you were a virgin, and would wait until marriage to "get it on?"

BS: You really believed that crap?

B: I guess so...So, what do you think about...gaah...I don't have any more restraint, will you have sex with me??

BS: What do you think I am, a slut? Oh, wait, I already said I am...sure!

Stan walks in and says:

S: I saw steamy windows from downstairs and was wonderi...My god, not you too!! Have you no respect for Tina?

B: (Comes out from under covers) Umm...we were just playing...Poker, yeah, poker!

BS: (Comes out under him) Yeah, poker!

S: (Mocks Bob) Restrain yourself, man!

B: Sorry, she was just so...hot!

S: What, I wasn't talking about her, you always tell me to restrain when I play poker without you! Ohh, it's that whole "metaphor" thing, huh?

B: Yes, Stan...Anyway, I better get dressed and leave, huh?

S: No no no, it'll just happen again!

B: Yeah, you're right...Oh, I've got an idea!

10 minutes later:

S: There, that's much better...tying her up really WAS a good idea. Now we can interview her without trying to have sex with her..again...ohhhhhhh....

B: Stan, get a hold of yourself! Just try not to look at her and think of Judge Judy.

S: (winces) Wow, that really worked! Anyway, on with the interview! Seeing as you have so much sex, what is your favorite method of birth control?

BS: Well, I think the Condom is the best way, and it is also the most versatile.

S: Versatile?

BS: Well, you can do some cool things with it...like a make a balloon, or a glove (with a very big one), or even a hat ( VERY big one required here.)!

B: What is your favorite sexual position?

BS: Well, I've always liked (very nasty, too nasty even for Us!) and lots of leather.

B & S: (stunned)

BS: What's the matter?

B & S: (still stunned)

BS: Wow, look at the time, I better go.

S: I think that will be best... We'll drag you out of here! Thanks for your time!

B: Yes, it was a very...interesting...visit

BS: Well, thanks for...

S: Will you have sex with me??

B: Stan!! We better go before this get's TOO weird...later, devoted fans.

S: We have fans?

B: Shuddap!