Teletubbies Show Sold to New Owners
By: Stan Murdoc
LONDON, UK - PBS recently dropped the Teletubbies show from its programming because of the writers' decision to try to appeal more to stoners, hookers, and kinky, sex starved potheads. Even though they already had a large part of the "stoner" group, they decided that they should "try to appeal more to people who are watching T.V. at 6 in the morning, when our show is on." The show's producers sold the rights to "angry drunk Irish pervs who take heavy drugs and like to be stoned while looking at kiddie porn," in their own words.
Many parents (at least 5) were outraged by this decision, and protested by kicking all their TVs in. "I'll do anything for my kids, even if that means no TV for a while!" says one parent. One child was killed in an explosion from one of the Televisions, and the parents are awaiting sentencing.
Some of the previews for the new episodes include "The Teletubbies' Big Orgy day," "Tubbies Drive-by," "Po learns the Dangers of Electric Sockets, the 'hard' way." and "The Teletubbies meet John the Cocaine Dealer."
Another marketing strategy by the producers is a Teletubbies "Escort" service. They hope to boost popularity for the show by providing men and women with "services" by the Teletubbies themselves.
Many stoners have actually stopped watching the show because of these events. "I always did like it when the Teletubbies rolled down the hill over and over and over and (this continues for a while)...but this new stuff is just way too loud for me, man! I mean, there's like big explosions and annoying sounds the whole show! And anyway, Teletubbie porn is nasty..."
Also, it seems that many of the Teletubbie toys were contaminated with Anthrax. The producers had this to say: "I am very sure that we did not do that...(snicker)...and anyways, we are always drunk at home, so how could we have done it? (snicker)"
A number of Teletubbies books were pulled off the shelves of stores when it was discovered that they contained quite a few things that they felt were not appropriate for children. A partial list was submitted to the AP and released yesterday: Pornographic Material, Excessive Violence, Graphic Language, Satanic Rituals, Hidden Swastikas, Subliminal Anti-Barney Messages, Bill Clinton, and general Nastiness.
On another note, a local Jewish women froma small town right here in Colorado is starting an Anti-teletubbies movement.
It also seems that there was a connection between this and the recent Barbie incident which smashed Southern Cali. Investigators are looking to see if thee are any other connections to find before something like this happens again.
A scene from "The Teletubbies' Big Orgy day."